"This team is so fucking bad I've lost control of my bodily functions."

- Never Lose Again at 5:57

"Fuckin' loser"

- Never Lose Again at 7:37

"Fer what?!"

- Never Lose Again at Repeated

"Shut the fuck up, Sanguinet."

- Never Lose Again at Repeated

"Huh?"

- Never Lose Again at Repeated

"I never want to lose again!"

- Never Lose Again at 11:11

"Yeah, I remember laying in bed at night dreaming about the time your mom tongued my butthole so good I put her in my phone as "Roll up the rim to win"."

- Never Lose Again at 13:31

"One more Neutrogena tantrum out of you and you're getting the gate, bud. Try me."

- Never Lose Again at 13:45

"This team will never lose again."

- Never Lose Again at 17:12

"Sanguinet, you're a healthy scratch on a last-place team in the NOSHO. Hang 'em up."

- Never Lose Again at 17:20

"Give your balls a tug."

- Never Lose Again at 20:01

"Up next is my buddy Hitch. He's from Mount Pearl, Newfoundland, and it's kinda funny, because his full name is Ted Hitchcock, but when you say it real fast, it sounds like Ten Inch Cock."

- Veteran Presence at 6:45

"They're called sweaters, Ziig. Keep up."

- Veteran Presence at 9:37

"I don't know, they must be big shots, taking airplanes every day of the week or something, getting here and not calling their parents."

- Veteran Presence at 12:20

"You are having a brain hemotoma."

- Veteran Presence at 15:46

"You know what's embarrassing, Core? Your mom started an OnlyFans to try to make me jealous and I haven't laughed that hard since Liam's mom tried the same thing."

- Veteran Presence at 22:40

"You take my lane one time tonight, Apeldoorn, I'll take your entire fuckin' top row."

- Know Your Role at 1:12

"We're teammates. We're brothers. I'd go to wall for you... Are you my brother? I'd go to wall for you... then you're allowed to call me a useless fucking cunt on your way there."

- Know Your Role at 2:28

"S'yeah'so, who wants to set the tone boys? Who's gonna fuckin' set it?"

- Know Your Role at 5:39

"You are the dumbest, ugliest, most insignificant Appeldoorn. You're fuckin' applesauce. Not even your brothers like you. You fuckin' come anywhere near me, Appeldoorn, I'll stick you right in the face, I promise you. Right in the teeth, ya Dutch inbred fuck. I'll break your teeth off at the gums, ya fuckin' garlic eater."

- Know Your Role at 9:21

"Hitch, you're such a fucking beauty, I often forget what an odd-looking East coast cunt ya are."

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 2:06

"Oh my god, no way. Laura Mohr's the hottest girl in Sudbury, ya fuckin' idiot."

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 13:59

"When are you going to let me take you out for some good Caribbean?"

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 14:14

"I'd take a header off the Bridge of Nations just to brush arms with ya. I'd full gainer down the crack in Killarney just to hold your purse. I'd sit my bare ass on the Big Nickel just to have you flick some debriss off my shirt. I swear to god I'd be so good to ya."

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 14:26

"Hey, when was the last time you had some good assorted tempura?"

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 14:48

"Hey Keller! When they put that big fuck-off C on your sweater, did they think you'd grown into it or what? Like, we're they pissed you didn't or what?"

- If You Can't Win, Don't Play at 19:46

"S'yeah'so... Fish, looks like you got it worse than everybody, and you're the last guy who can afford an inch there since you're so fucking ugly. Like, if I didn't see you on a date with Maxime Lauzon at the Laughing Buddha, I'd think you were the ugliest guy here, but you got her, so you mustn't be."

- Hockey Brings People Together at 5:44

"Hey, what's your love language? You like coffee so much, why don't you let me take you to Salute for some blended caramel segnatos?"

- Hockey Brings People Together at 18:51

"Fuckin' Frankie has a Siamese Cat? That's cultural appropriation. Fuckin' loser."

- Don't Poke The Bear at 8:54

"Oh my god, what fuckin' Sudbury export's hopped on board now? What are we, the fuckin', fuckin' Porchetta Puggles? Are we the Big Nickel Basenji's? What, the fuckin' Peppi Panini Portuguese Podengos?"

- Don't Poke The Bear at 11:27

"We can't just lose. This last game in this barn, we gotta win somethin'. If it's the Bulldogs last game in this barn, we gotta give 'em a show. So, boys... let's give 'em the fuckin' lumber."

- Don't Poke The Bear at 18:57

"Hey how'd that corn come in, Apeldoorn? She knee-high by the 4th of July?"

- Get 'Em Focused at 3:00

"Holy fuck, Keller, did that C get even bigger? Should sell ads on that thing."

- Get 'Em Focused at 3:17

"Hey, those visors come any darker? I can still kinda see how fuckin' ugly ya are."

- Get 'Em Focused at 3:30

"Ziig, you got a voice that goes up one side of me and right down the other. [...] Yeah, and a face that makes me go "AAH!"."

- Get 'Em Focused at 7:15

"I'm not sayin' you're ugly, Hitch. That's not what I'm sayin'. [...] I'm just sayin' you're the ugliest here."

- Get 'Em Focused at 7:58

"Oh... Frankie is here. [...] Yeah, why you think it smells like spaghetti carbonara?"

- Get 'Em Focused at 8:50

"Well, if I'm a broad lookin' at a sexy calendar of dudes, I'm probably hopin' they got their tarps off."

- Get 'Em Focused at 10:24

"Well, if I'm a broad lookin' at a calendar of sexy dudes with their tarps off, I'm probably hopin' they're greased down too."

- Get 'Em Focused at 10:56

"Found your way outta the corn maze, eh, Apeldoorn, ya fuckin' loser?"

- Get 'Em Focused at 12:55

"Hey, which one are you? Fuckin' Elmer Isaac Ezekiel?"

- Get 'Em Focused at 13:11

"Quit playin' the puck so much, you think you're fuckin' Marty Turco?"

- Get 'Em Focused at 16:35

"Hey, you ever look at someone, they look so good, you just wanna go, "No way!""

- Skill Vs Will at 0:54

"You ever had that? You look at someone and you just wanna go, "All right!""

- Skill Vs Will at 0:58

"You're smart, capable, rational, dependable, outgoing, kind, consistent... you're a leader. And you smell so fucking good."

- Skill Vs Will at 1:40

"If JJ Frito JJ gets his own calendar, I'm going to throw myself in front of a bus."

- Skill Vs Will at 3:28

"[Nat: You don't know much about the gay community, do you?] Why would I know anything about the gay community?"

- Skill Vs Will at 4:53

"It's no wonder you never have any legs in the third, you've already played a period between the sheets. Let's get some focus going in here, boys... let's have some focus in here now."

- Skill Vs Will at 11:26

"If he was up doing snooters all night, he's up between his own ears."

- Set The Tone at 2:01

"How's it feel, Delaney? You did so much blow, you're in the NOSHO."

- Set The Tone at 3:50

"Is he dying?"

- Set The Tone at 14:21

"So, first you got us with our dinks out in calendars, and now you want us on a kids show?"

- Set The Tone at 14:53

"Get big and strong, kid. You're going to need it if you're going to act like that."

- Set The Tone at 16:29

"Your opening is "Space is huge"?"

- Players Only at 6:58

"I'd tongue kiss a toaster to vacuum your fucking car. [Laura: Yeah?] Yeah. I'd walk the Kingsway with my pants at my ankles to empty your dishwasher. [Laura: Now we're talkin!'] I want to empty your dishwasher so bad, you have no idea."

- Players Only at 9:53

"And I usually prefer the front door on the first date, but you're the boss, apple sauce."

- Players Only at 10:32

"MacPherson, you try that again, I'll wrap my stick around your fucking neck. [...] You try that again, you're going to get fucking hurt, MacPherson, I promise ya."

- Players Only at 21:04

"But, but... S'yeah'so... Michaels for backstopping us to a 23-game heater [...] and for helping the Jim's with their "Reach For The Top" team, he gets to eat his stick before anybody else gets to eat their stick."

- The Man Advantage at 1:43

"Well, I hope Danis is wearing something good. She's sexy [...] I think all three of them are pretty sexy. Like if we're getting it all out on the table, I've whaled on it to the thought of all three of them taking turns on me."

- The Man Advantage at 2:36

"So you came all the way back for JJ Fun Dip JJ. [Laurence Leboeuf: If he could understand what you were syaing, he'd kick your ass.] But he can't. [Laurence Leboeuf: There's a good man in there, you know? He just needed to be humbled.] Everybody deserves a second chance. [Laurence Leboeuf: The Quebecois stand by their own.]"

- The Man Advantage at 17:59

"Because if I'm a broad lookin' at a calendar of sexy dudes, I'm probably hopin' they have their tarps off."

- Accountability at 00:58

"Because if I'm a broad lookin' at a calendar of sexy dudes, I'm probably hopin' they have a spray tan!"

- Accountability at 1:14

"Because if I'm a broad lookin' at a calendar of sexy dudes, I'm probably hopin' they have a grease down!"

- Accountability at 1:52

"I'm not here to tell you not to hammer ass. But you need to be accountable. Right? You never have any legs in the third 'cause ya already played a period between the sheets."

- Accountability at 5:08

"I'll get ya for that anthem, Delaney, I swear to God."

- Accountability at 20:34

"Well boys, ready to play your first third period of the season? [Goody: Lotsa legs, Shoresy. Dolo: Let's fucking go, Shoresy.] Here's where we need ya. We need you right fucking now. Right here in the third, alright? Need everybody goin' here in the third. Everything you've fucking got. Alright? Everybody! Everything you got. Leave it all fucking out there. Here we fuckin' go now!"

- Accountability at 22:14

"Hey, you should peel off. [Jill: Why?] Well, if he's already homesick, you don't want him seeing his buddy's mom before the game. [Jill: Really?] What, the one who's been making PB&J and breakfast for supper his whole life? [Jill: Why?] I'd be crying into my shirt."

- Keep It Simple at 5:00

"Why aren't you scorin'? [Jack: I don't know. I got the yips.] Fuckin' everybody gets the yips. That's normal too, idiot. [Jack: No, this is bad.] Yeah, it's the yips."

- Keep It Simple at 7:53

"Allright, you want to talk about the yips? You ever been in bed with a girl and your dick doesn't work? [Jack: No, have you?] No, but imagine? [Jack: Why'd you bring it up?] I don't know, but you shouldn't watch porn anymore, did you know that?"

- Keep It Simple at 8:03

"Hey, you love scoring goals. All hockey players love scoring goals. That's what keeps us coming back, that feeling. [Jack: I know.] Get back to that."

- Keep It Simple at 10:28

"Are we saying words again, or am I going to get some actual infor -- [Emma: He's not coming.]"

- The Great One at 8:21

"And a big, big problem is diving. [Anik: How are they cracking down on hitting?] Well, look at junior hockey in Canada today. Actually, look at the World Junior tournament. Every hit is a penalty now. It's their new strategy for getting hitting out of the game. If you hit, you get a penalty. If you get a penalty, you hurt your team. You don't want to hurt your team, so you don't hit. They've got us playing the European game."

- The Great One at 11:59

"Like, a massive part of the success of Canada and US hockey on the international stage has been the hitting. The physicality. The guarantee that if you play us, we will hurt you."

- The Great One at 12:33

"You look so good I'm in danger of suffering a penile injury in my pants."

- A Winning Culture at 0:10

"Bring a kid to playland, he's gonna go ball-pittin'."

- A Winning Culture at 12:51

"You're an idiot if you think you're gonna get her, Michaels. [Michaels: I know, Shoresy.] You can't compare to Sanguinet. He's tall, long hair and a long dick. [Miigwan: OK, Shoresy.] You're short with a weird face. [Michaels: OK, Shoresy.]"

- A Winning Culture at 13:13

"[Cory: Fuckin' terrible call.] Oh, you want to talk about a terrible call? Your Mom FaceTime'd me when I was watching videos on my phone with Liam's mom. [Cory: You should download DuoLingo on there for when the Euros skate circles around you in 6 languages.]"

- Practice How You Play at 3:43

"I didn't want to tell you this, Core. I knew your mom was old but did you know that she lost her virginity at the Calgary Olympics? [Cory: Fuck you, Shoresy.] Which is crazy, cause Liam's mom lost hers to a luger in Lillehammer."

- Practice How You Play at 4:20

"[Liam: Fuck you, Shoresy] Fuck you, Liam. Your mom calls me "daddy" so much I feel like I should be takin' you out to the yard to throw the old pigskin around. [Liam: Fuck you!] Don't talk to your father like that!"

- Practice How You Play at 4:29

"You're called the "Sudbury Five"? [Loic: Yeah.] So dumb. [Loic: What?] The Sudbury Five sounds like what a newspaper would call like some fuckin' killers awaiting trial. [Loic: No, it doesn't.] [Melodie: It does a bit.] Sudbury Five sounds like some fuckin' bodies pulled from a lake."

- Practice How You Play at 11:46

"So, we got the game with the Euros in a few days. Want to make sure everyone's on the same page here. We're going to do some real bad shit to those guys. Don't bring your girls. Wait a couple of days before you call your parents. This will be bad."

- Total Buy-In at 5:20

"[To Laura] What's up, ya fuckin' bisexual?"

- Total Buy-In at 12:50

"Let's get a timeshare in New Brunswick and train foxes."

- Total Buy-In at 19:32